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| | Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! | |
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CrIIsa Moderador
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| Tema: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 24, 2009 4:20 pm | |
| Bueno, a ver si les gusta esto a los pocos que si me pidieron que lo siguiera escribiendo...sin mas el resumen:
Titulo: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising Recomendación: Todo público con la particularidad de que el contenido esta en ingles Categoria del relato: * (Pueden elegir cualquier tipo de categoria) Basado en: Mio propio, actualmente estoy terminando un manga uqe le hice ^.^ Personajes: Ufff no quiero revelarlo!!! bueno solo dire los nombres.... Kira, Yana, Emerat, Mia, Nemis, Matiel........y decir mas seria spoiler, por fa entiendalo
Estado de la obra: En Progreso
N° de Capitulos: Capt1 The Hunter Chronicles Capt2 Dreams Capt 3 Dream or Reality
Sinopsis: Son historias que al principio se ven desorganizadas pero que se unen en cierto punto y de ahi parte la historia principal. La historia se va explicando por partes y cada capt ayuda a comprender el anterior, La protagonista de esta historia es Kira, y su antagonista Emerat, un demonio antiguo, peor esta es solo parte de la historia p`rincipal, los otros persoanajes tienen tambien cierta historia uqe los une a la historia principal Capt 1 The Hunter Chronicles- Spoiler:
I walk alone in the darkness. The sound of my steps crushs the puthrid leafs of the path, informs against my most silents movements. Theres no sound in the night that don't travel trow the wind...even the most ferocius creatures of the night feel it. I don't walk........I hunt. I put all my senses around my prey, coldly and I can only see the place where my arrow will rest. This time,...is diferent, I challenge my worst fear. Now more than ever I need that my bow and be one, feet it by the hate and revenges desire. I might no survive but........I hear something!........
It must be him, who else?...no matter he hide himself I can feel it, I must find him before he find me....
My hand grip my destiny´s arrow and embrace with my bow's thread. My eyes search the careless movement, the little heat on the cold ambient. My insides breath caress my lips slowly...I can see everything...it's so weird 'cause there's no moon on the sky...it must be the hate and the desperate wish for the final tear of my crying soul.
I arrive to the forrest, there's no path for my black wings, I see a clear...the sky finally shines on a silvered explosion, the stars couldn't resist the tentation to deck in the dark sky...may be is a sing, but.....it's to late for turn back. There is the empty trunk that once was a portentuos tree, nait it on the water of the lake with moss and leafs.....My body remembers this place....but my eyes can see it....it was a long time ago, I was a child.....I remember my firts bow, and the hunting...with him. He said that the Hunter spirit was seal it in the trunk and can only be summoned with the first victim blood in a full moon night; the ancients tell that the sleeping spirit has the power of offering a wish to the master that make the summon in the forgotten language of the wind....I couldn't make the ritual....I wonder if he...
-It seem that you have the courage to traspass the forrest, do you remeber this nihgt-(says a whispering frozen voice on my neck).
How he could follow me so fast...Were is it?....I've loose my mind? Why I can hear him now?....Was an aluccination, but that voice, that sound wont stop in my head? My hand shake....move it!! why I can move myself? Move it! Turn around! Face it!.....God damn it!!!!...why I can move myself?
-Time has change everything since the last time -(...I need move myself!!...Move it stupid arm!..Why is he laughing? He is crying?) The Hunter has confered you your lonely night wishes (...but I!...) I created you now and now you must die in my hands....(-I can move my body!! I can feel, all I see is a dozen of shinig droops in a blood sky........)
Capt 2 Dreams- Spoiler:
The door opens in front of me. I walk in is direction. It seems that the pain was his only alied. It seems that his sould claim mercy. He was alone, the rooms seems much bigger that it really was it. The windows let in the rain droops like a virgen tear weeting the floor. The moon light reflected like marbel his sickly face. He can her it, in the whispering screams of the leafs in the wind, in the voiceless noise of silence.
The nature claims and tell the same story over and over again, the dreams twist his mind with the same tough, the same fear. Poor god, even in the darck refuge of his celestial dwelling, mortal dreams could find him. The sheets are drenched in his inmortal sweet. A sound breaks the silence, steps drip trow the halls, rain keeps falling, wind is now calm. The king of kings, the strong of stronger is prisioned in the must weak and painful prision, his mind catch him in his own dreams.
-Poor fearest god, who was once the must fearest of the inmortals, his now drowning in his own fear. (Think while I smile)
The eco of the room takes my words and reproduce it like a 1000 of crystal droops. But now I become scared, loocks like he was in real danger.
-The past hunts you, isn´t. You can´t hide no matter how hard you try. What tortures you in that may?.
Suddenly a deep darkness catchs me, my arms are cramped as my legs too. The nightmare inprisiones me, what´s this feeling, where am I?
A lighting pain block up my senses, and I´m trapped...but where? In the dream, it can´t be? I listen a voice in the deepest dark that forces me to watch, all I can do is watch, while a blood rain drench my body. I see a village, and the winged troups of the Valhala in a grotesc fight.....it feel like I´ve seen that before. My body can´t move it, but all the senses run into me I´ve here before, I reconize that tree like fairys wings, I remember that ancient language, and I listen my name, in somewhere of this darkness, a pair of silvered eyes loock trow my soul and my blood freezes and burn me at the same time. My eyes are now closed, someone embrace me and I can feel in a whisper the scent of a camellia. Finally I can move myself. Was I dreaming the king´s dream? What´s this feeling?
My hands are covering of a dense and black sustance.....it´s blood!!!! I´m covered of blood! I´m still dreaming? The king lais in front of me pale like a marble glass, limpid like the dragonfly wings. He is dead, and his blood is my envelope, but how...? the room is in a sinester calm, the rainwather in the floor bleend the bloody shade of my skin. I fall in my knees. The frozen wind surrounds my. The leafs and feathers flood the room. The wather on the floor even blood stained shows a reflection. In it my same figure loocks me trow a silvered eyes. Capt 3 Dream or Reality- Spoiler:
I´m running but it´s hunting me. I can feel the whisper of his putrid breath over my head. I´m tired and fall over the leafs. The sky is smiling, with litlle shines, my time has arrived.......but,....it´s a dream, another dream.
It all started the day of king´s dead. The day I saw for first time the silvered eyes of Emerat, the angel of hell. The ancients prophecies tell the forgotten story, that´s my dream:
"In the first light of the world, born two twins souls. His mission was keep the balance of the spirit of Gaia in the living creatures as same. The two magical souls lived in all living things, and keept his esences save. But in the aniversary of the borning of this land a comet croos the sky. In his center was sealed another ancient spirit Galat, the warrior. People start fight each other nearby the comet, and soon, the disseasse conquired all the living things, in a desperate pain. The twins decided mix each other and fight the invader, to restore the lost balance. In the moment the join his energy the power mutated and they were forced to seal his esence whit Galat´s. Their sacrifice his freedom, in a desperate hope of seal Galat´s will.
That caused the awakening of grotesc forces form the deep dark, the land were Galat rules, but also awake the sleeping nature spirits, and the batlle started, and they were all murder, all except the new reborn soul, the fussion between the twins and the dark made the borning of a new soul, that wasn´t inmaterial.
Flesh and bone were the ward of the new spirit, and his broken soul still fights the epical battle between the three enemys soul, now like one named Emerat. Every 300 year the mithical spirits fight for the nuew form control, that batle takes as home the body of an innocent and continues his inmortal fight.
This time was her´s turn. She the withcher of the ancient souls,who´s now named Kira, but even the Emerat with his silvered eyes couldn´t see the wings of this girl, the true nature in the pure blood line of Caín."
That´s the message that keeps screaming in my head, day after day, night after night...the whisper of the shadows takes from here to anywhere. Who´s Kira, Who I´m I? Capt 4 The Lgacy- Spoiler:
"My body hurts, I can´t see. It feels cold here...were I am?. I can barely move myself. The last I remember is leafs, there falling over me, dancing in my hair, breathing whit me, in silence. There´s so quiet here that I could hear my heart, but there´s not beating. What´s that light over me? For how long I was slepping? Would my father come soon? He´s still mad with me? I´ll be a god girl, I promise.
It´s frezzing here, is this...watter? Why I´m under the watter? This isn´t a bed is wood, and it´s cold. I can´t see! I´m in the most deeppest dark and lying over wood!...coins, jollery, shields and swords? Over wood? What´s this soft cloth, a sail?? The wood..., the treasures..., the sail,.....it´s a boat, I´m in...a funeral boat? I´m death? But I´m....I....a voiceless silence rest in my chest.
I can´t hear my heart, this is my funeral, but I.......I´m still alive. My mind stills here!
My eyes closes slowlly, I can feel my soul´s steps, it´s walking....mute steps, and a far whisper of wings...My hair never cutted floats around me. Why I´m here? Tomorrow is my birthday and Father will come, I´ll 6, and be a good girl, but now... I´m tired.
The frozen peace of the silent watter burns my face, it´s so cold that I wish I could breath. It´s hurts, the watter over me, and my final breath fighting to survive...I´m not cold anymore, I can see the leafs there are floating, in my hair,in my arms, I have wings I´am flying princess..
-Kira, Kira, don´t cross the path, ....Kira...can´t you remember...
That voice again, who´s calling?
I´m not Kira, I´m Yana, dauhther of Odin, Father of Gods...and......why can I only see your eyes?...."
Still dreaming!! Why! The sweat covers me, that eyes....the same silvered eyes...It´s the midlle of the night and, it´s the same dream over and over again. I, Yana, the last of a millenarian race of elves, heir of the grotesc Valhala, Odin´s doughter secret daughter, Yana the goddes who can´t find out her power I´m afraid.
I´ve been imprisioned since 3 months, since Odin died, or I kill him.........but how? I can´t remember anything of that day, but facts speak for me.....my father is dead, even inmortals can die. The facts said that I´m his murder, even if I can´t remember a thing of that night.
Actually I can´t remember much of my life. I was exilied on the age of 5, and abandoned in the dungeons of HeLLea a place worst that Ragknarok itself. The last thing I remember my birthday, was the first winter day. The golden leafs fell around me, felling.....always felling, then the first and last snow clot that I see...After that it was all dark, like a dust cloud covering my memories, like my dreams, but I can´t remember...who I´m... Who is Kira? Why is so familiar? It doesn´t matter much now, this is my last nigth, I´ll be executed in the morning, but I have memories that scares me, like if I reborn, like if were something in my insides. I hear voices that claims for blood, I see visions of battle, but is all like a whisper, like a feather´s rain, like a murmur of wings.
If a close my eyes I can still see those silvered eyes.......but why they not scare me?...............that noice....What happends?..the walls of my celd shakes, a purple light tear like butter the obsidian, it´s imposible......the rock that even gods couldn´t destroy...but...no one seems to hear it, the sound comes from me!!! it´s the whisper of the same voice calling....I don´t know if I´am dreaming or if I´m finally awake. The celd´s wall is in pieces, like a slide on the flesh.....But, on the floor...theres blood?
-Follow me!
My feet obeid, the shadow that´s in front of me must be a God. I´ve never saw a power like that. I´m to tired...I can´t see..I.... just wanna slep..
-Kira...........Kira......come!
The same voice!! Who´s talking? I´m too tired, but I see somethig..yes, it´s blood, a path and there´s steps...., theres a path printed in the blood.
Última edición por CrIIsa el Lun Ago 31, 2009 11:01 am, editado 4 veces (Razón : Actualizar) | |
| | | Raiton Shinigami
País : Cantidad de envíos : 721 Fecha de inscripción : 16/08/2009 Edad : 32 Localización : Margarita/Vzla
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 24, 2009 4:42 pm | |
| lo entendi en cierto modo xD Si es de el fondo de tu corazon eres toda una cazadora xD Pero fue un espiritu que te hablo???.........o fue una alucinacion eso no lo entendi que de con esa duda xD | |
| | | hyuganeji Admin
País : Cantidad de envíos : 978 Fecha de inscripción : 31/05/2009 Edad : 30 Localización : En ñerislandia
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 24, 2009 6:34 pm | |
| Hola CrIIsa, muy bonito, hubo partes que no logré entender pero bueno, capté la idea...
Una recomendación: aquí hay un tema que se llama Normas de Fanfics, recomiendo en buena onda que las leas, ya que, tal vez fue un descuido, se te pasaron algunas que son boligatorias
Saludos, espero que lo arregles y el próximo capi ^^ | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Ya llegó la actualizacion 25/08/09 Mar Ago 25, 2009 12:02 pm | |
| Ahh hyuuga, ya hice lo mejor que pude para llenar los campos obligatorios, espero que entiendas que decir mas seria simplemente auto-spoiler, y espero que te guste este nuevo capt.
J, te gustó, me alegro, mi tiempo libre lo invierto en escribir o dibujar, ya sabes el poco que tengo , si no entiendes algo simplemente sigue adelante que cada capt explica un poco el anterior y si no mandame un MP o pregunta ^.^
Las actualizaciones las pondre siempre en la 1a pag, para que esten todos los capt por orden, (estará más organizado asi).....nada, ya esta el capt 2 que puede que los saque un poco de paso, peor recuerden son varias historias que se unen y despues forman la historia principal, todo tiene que ver, aunque no lo parezca, mas adelante lo entenderán.........
Bueno...ahi queda, ahora veremos que tal | |
| | | hyuganeji Admin
País : Cantidad de envíos : 978 Fecha de inscripción : 31/05/2009 Edad : 30 Localización : En ñerislandia
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Ago 25, 2009 1:40 pm | |
| Jeje ^^ segundo capítulo, me gustó mucho, el primer post está más organizado, entiendo lo del auto-spoiler xD..
En fin, no tengo criticas, solo pued decirte que, sabes narrar muy bien, además de que dominas el inglés, narrar en inglés no es algo muy fácil para algunos (como yo xD) por eso te felicito y te admiro... yo no soy fan de los Fanfics, por la simple razón de que siempre que voy a una sección fanfic me encuentro con "Naruhina" "SasuSaku" etc, por eso busco más bien Fics originales del autor, no basados en series ^^ ese es otro aspecto que me gustó mucho en tu fic, la originalidad.
Espero siguiente capi con ansias! | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Ago 25, 2009 1:44 pm | |
| Ahh que bien se siente hacer algo que le guste a lso demas, me alegra que te haya gustado el capt, en realidad pienso ir colgando uno por dia ya tengo los 5 de esta semana,cuando empiecen las clases ya vere que hago, y si al final me embuillo subo tambien el manga que lo estoy haciendo al mismo timepo, gracias por el coment hyuuga | |
| | | Raiton Shinigami
País : Cantidad de envíos : 721 Fecha de inscripción : 16/08/2009 Edad : 32 Localización : Margarita/Vzla
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Ago 25, 2009 2:39 pm | |
| Lo mismo digo aprecio la forma en que haces tus Fics por lo original de los hechos................no se pero me da un poco de melancolia esta historia aun no se porque T.T pero te quedo muy bien me gusta, la verdad la forma de narrar le da un sentido misteriosos a la obra pero al mismo tiempo es conciso me gusto mucho | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Edit Ya llegó la actualizacion!! Mar Ago 25, 2009 2:58 pm | |
| gracias J,.....supongo que solo queda esperar el capt 3 mañana Edit................ya es mañana!!! es decir ya es hoy y llegó la actualizacion cap 3.........que a lo mejor lso enreda un poquito ^.^
Última edición por CrIIsa el Miér Ago 26, 2009 10:52 am, editado 1 vez (Razón : Actualizacion) | |
| | | hyuganeji Admin
País : Cantidad de envíos : 978 Fecha de inscripción : 31/05/2009 Edad : 30 Localización : En ñerislandia
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Miér Ago 26, 2009 12:59 pm | |
| xDDDD que buen capítulo, por lo que veo, ahora se viene lo bueno no?
Espero próximo Capi, me muero por saber que pasa... y... quien es Kira? xD | |
| | | Raiton Shinigami
País : Cantidad de envíos : 721 Fecha de inscripción : 16/08/2009 Edad : 32 Localización : Margarita/Vzla
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Miér Ago 26, 2009 9:36 pm | |
| este epi me recordo al apocalipsis xD ahora viene lo emocionante quien es Kira??? quiene eres tu??? Bueno como siempre CrIIsa brillante soy ya tu Fan
quien lo diria CrIIsa Fc xD sorry pasarme tarde pero tuve ocup xD | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 31, 2009 10:51 am | |
| ahh no hay problema personalmente tuve un jueves/viernes terrible!!!..........bufff, pero ya termino todo,es que estoy en plena mudanza.........y........no respondere nada averiguadlo Ud.jaajjajja me alegra que les guste Raiton: CrIIsa FC , O.O uhhhhh que pena!!! Llegue con el capt 4, tal vez averiguen quine es kira !!! ^.^ | |
| | | Raiton Shinigami
País : Cantidad de envíos : 721 Fecha de inscripción : 16/08/2009 Edad : 32 Localización : Margarita/Vzla
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 31, 2009 5:06 pm | |
| Oh dios que emocion saca el capi 5 yAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! pero YAAAAAA me recuerda de alguna forma a una mezcla entre Final Fantasy y Mitologia con un poco de Zelda en verdad en esta te la comiste si las anteriores fueron buenas esta es la mejor escribes algo asi como Steven King el maestro del terror y suspenso xD | |
| | | hyuganeji Admin
País : Cantidad de envíos : 978 Fecha de inscripción : 31/05/2009 Edad : 30 Localización : En ñerislandia
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Ago 31, 2009 7:13 pm | |
| Excelente como siempre ^^ ya espero el capi 5!!!
Que puedo decir, encontré un par de errores, como que para escribir agua escribiste "watter" en vez de "water" como se debe, pero son errorcillos que se pasan ^^
De nuevo te felicito y espero sigas con tu historia | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Miér Sep 02, 2009 4:51 pm | |
| Es que me come la emocion cada vezque escribo!!!! :T.T: y...............estoy super embullada hasta donde es qeu estoy tratando de subir tu firma ya | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: bueno el capt 5 viene por aca Mar Sep 08, 2009 4:22 pm | |
| Capt 5 The Legacy- Spoiler:
My name is Matiel, and I´m the last of Ocoros, the highest dinasty of angels. THis is the only copy of the TRUTH that wasn´t destroyed on the rising of Emerat. The truth about Cain.
" When God created man, didn´t created the human emotions, the humans learned how to feel for themselfs, ´cause angels can´t have feelings, it was a signal of humanity. But........some angels, they started to feel, and.... for break the sacred rules...they fall in darkness, those days are remembered like Emotion. Those that fall were dummded, the lived his inmoprtality between the mortals, live the eternity...like shadows, they became spirits imprisioned in Earth.
But one angel, an Ocoro, was strong enough and become real, broke the line between their universe and ours. And this mighty angel was executed for his disobedience, and all his power destroyed." This is the only truth that we´ve meet , but now from the silent ashes of past, Kronos whispers the lost part of the leyend.
Falling angels don´t remain latecomers between humans, they all died. Cain, the rebeld angel, wasn´t executed by celestial hands. His power was so weird that even his own kind could hurt him.
Every angel has a gifth, that becomes one with it´s essence: energy of nature combined and unique for each one. Cain´s power was more special, more like a curse , it was a power never saw it before, his power was the energy of a Soul...the only power that was forviden to the ancients.
Cain fallen long lime before Emotion, but he couldn´t die, his power won´t allow it. His strange gift made him Emerat´s disciple for ages, but day, when was strong enough revel himself against the demon, but couldn´t kill his master, so run away, and hid his power in Earth. However Emerat still have plans for Caín´s power, so trawl his pupile...day and night, and sly all creature close tho the angel feels, trying get the power back, but the Ocoro scaped, over and over, untill one day.....Cain face his demons and was strong enough, and started the last page of his story.
The day when an angel defied the most ancient spirit, born whit the world itself.
Cain, the Hunter was defeated and his power absorbed in Emerat´s energy, but not all. Cain knew that couldn´t defeat the demon, so hide must of his power, away from Emerat claws, away form Querubs revenge.
Generation trow generation, silent and asleped Cain´s lineage rest untill the time arrives. The time when the profecy reborn and the hunter chronicles make sense.
Because we´re all Dream or Nightmare of a lost story, that only time can reveal.
I was Cain´s pupile and aslo try to defeat the Dark One myself, but I wasn´t the choseen one, so I fail. This is the last piece of my memory, that remains in the borrow time of Kronos, cause I´ve dead and lived again only for the time needed to call the truth. I´ll be destroyed in seconds by Emerat´s power, but I must get sure that the TRUTH remain, save from his power, waiting the rise of the true apostle.
The pain increases my fear, I´ve alredy lost my feith.......I´ve fall
| |
| | | hyuganeji Admin
País : Cantidad de envíos : 978 Fecha de inscripción : 31/05/2009 Edad : 30 Localización : En ñerislandia
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Sep 08, 2009 4:43 pm | |
| Que buen Capi Criisa... ahora empezamos a enterarnos de más cosas...
Espero el siguiente con ansias.... aunque aún no me queda claro quien es el verdadero protagonista xD | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Sep 08, 2009 5:13 pm | |
| waaa, es un plan para confundirlos a todos!!! no, en serio , les dije que son historias qeu se unirian mas adelante, de donde se formara la verdadera historia, es decir, hasta ahora, estamos en el princiopio de la obra, el capt 6 se llama The Master Piece, y es la clave de donde parte la historia real...(que estaría pensando yo cuadno escribir esto....) | |
| | | NickGymnas Pirata
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| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Mar Sep 08, 2009 9:30 pm | |
| Muy lindo fic, osea.. No soy un experto ni nada XD Pero algo creo que se, y te puedo dar algunos Tips.
Primero que nada, no te recomiendo la narracion en presente xD Por el simple hecho de que ya ha sido rechazada en sun mayoria por muchisimos escritores por el hehco de que solo sirve para darle un toque melancolico y de suspenso a la obra, pero si todo el tiempo esta narrado en presente... Sostiene una trama mas pesada, ya que parece que estas viendo la television narrada por una persona, lo cual no es bueno.
Despues, hay algunos detalles que podes simplemente agregar algunas cosas, para que mejoren de una manera increible. Son detalles que, en general, los escritores llaman "Pequeños extras personales" que son lo que crea cada escritor en su obra. Con la adicion de pequeñas comas en puntos estrategicos, puntos que cortan una escena y distintivas oraciones confusas, atraparas a cualquier lector.
Y despues, para finalizar.. xD Te recomiendo que hagas un poco mas largos los capitulos, para dar una dosis justa de capitulo diario, que podes complementar con otros capitulos un tanto de relleno, pero que se mezclan con el resto de la trama, de tal manera que no parecen ser tan relleno, y te dan tiempo a idearte nuevas cosas. Son pequeños tips de escritores que pueden ser muy utiles.
Para el finale finale xD Linda historia, la idea de unir muchas historias en una es buena, pero recuerda que cada historia tiene que ser atrapante por separado, eso es lo dificil. Ya que si no lo haces de esa manera, el lector simplemente se vera mas interesado en algunos momentos que en otros, y omitira detalles importantes. Cosas asi...
Listo, no estaba seguro si estabas abierta a criticas, pero bueno.. xD Hay que intentar xD | |
| | | Raiton Shinigami
País : Cantidad de envíos : 721 Fecha de inscripción : 16/08/2009 Edad : 32 Localización : Margarita/Vzla
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Miér Sep 09, 2009 2:44 pm | |
| O___O y que paso Donde esta Cain??? que le paso DIME!!!!!!!!!
Que buen Fic en verdad me dejaste muy depremido, por no continuarlo, casi que quede en shock............muy buen fic.... mas te vale que todo se una al final y sepa de que trata esto por que en cada capi me confundo mas XD Rodaran Cabezas XDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| | | CrIIsa Moderador
Cantidad de envíos : 74 Fecha de inscripción : 24/08/2009 Edad : 33 Localización : Aqui a tu lado, no puedes verme?
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! Lun Sep 14, 2009 4:35 pm | |
| I (L) UR avatar & firma!!!!!!! sin duda alguna!!! Cain??? Ahhh ya veras en el proximo capt, en The master Piece se explica todo lo que pasa, lo pondré mañana y gracias Nick, tomare en cuenta tus consejos!!! | |
| | | Contenido patrocinado
| Tema: Re: Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! | |
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| | | | Dark Hunter. Emerat´s Rising (Ingles) Capt 4 Ya!!!!! | |
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